004. pivot point

all your prior versions of self guided you to where you stand today

hello from a slice of the very comfortable living room i describe below

this month i heard someone say, “look around you. what you’re doing today is a result of how you spent your time five years ago.” 

five years ago i was freshly divorced, temporarily living in a friend’s apartment until i got back on my feet, freelancing for a climate tech startup because my very secure ai job at microsoft was eliminated, and applying to get my master’s in climate science. it was very much the darkest year of my life in some ways. i didn’t know how long i’d have income, if i’d get approved for an apartment lease in nyc, if i’d get into grad school. but every day i told myself i had the power to make one small step toward the life i wanted. consistently showing up for myself with that frame of mind put me on the path to where i am. i spent a lot of hours thinking about what i wanted my future to look like and dreaming of the life i have today. 

when i look around me, from the place i write this newsletter today, i am sitting in the living room of my home in texas on a comfy blue couch that my partner and i agonized over because it felt too nice for us to have. very charming fall decor and bookcases full of our favorite books are staring back at me as jazz plays in the background thanks to my partner’s favorite morning coffee making soundtrack. it is a comfortable life we have built over the last few years together. and for the first time in my entire life, i feel secure in the home i live in.

but i am, in a lot of ways, still the unsettled woman from five years ago. i still wake up with an affirmation that i can be whatever i want to be as long as i work towards it. and i still spend a lot of hours thinking about what i want my future to look like. it’s what got me here today. and it will continue to push me through to tomorrow and the next day and the next.

i suppose this drumbeat of thoughts comes from the fact that i quit my full-time job last month.

i know, i buried the lede. i’m sorry.

i did this so i could focus on starting my own business, something i’ve wanted to do my entire life, and because i felt like it is important to devote focused energy into living fully in and enjoying my first book launch. i began writing my first book five years ago, as a way to process my divorce and the absolute unknown of what my life had become. i would never want to live those moments again, but i don’t ever want to look back on this time and feel like i wasn’t fully present in the moment right now. 

i end this newsletter update with an ask: if i can ask anything of you, it’s to think about where you want to be in five years. and don’t half ass it. 

got it?

good. 

now what can you do right now to make one small step towards that version if you? 

go do it.

on that note…  

• book pre-sale: the next time you hear from me, it’ll be because my book is on sale! yay! 

• ny, sf, and md: i’ll officially be hosting book release parties with you <3 more to come but i can’t wait to see you all in just a few months.

• new york minute: speaking of new york, i have my first appearance on november 11th to a closed audience. i am super nervous, but i suppose that’s normal?!

regret
not for me
a life of purpose
a wide open sea
i don’t know where i’m headed
or where i’ll land
but i know i have me
and that’s enough of a plan

see you next month,
nicole

p.s. i cannot mention the friend's apartment i stayed in while getting back on my feet without giving immense gratitude to them — Nate and Steffi, founders of palette group. the foundation of my story was made possible by them. the gave me a shelter that taught me about selfless love, self love, how to heal, and grace. thank you both.