019. taking a pause
because there's more life to live in the real world.
hi. it’s been a minute. it’s been so long I had to reread my last few substacks to see where we left off.
it’s a weird time out there, yeah? and I mean, in the phsyical world and online.
I’m feeling it too. it’s heavy. I jotted this bit down in my digital journal in April, on the first warm weekend in Brooklyn.
in a lot of ways, it’s become my north star for how I am trying to live my life right now: less screens, more nature, and figuring out how to actually live life in the real world. it sounds a little granola, and it kind of is.
offline, I’ve been taking stock. I read shira gill’s latest book, LifeStyled: Your Guide to a More Organized & Intentional Life, on my honeymoon. yes, the title sounds cheesy but it’s a tactical guide to reducing overwhelm by applying minimalism and organization to all areas of life.
reducing overwhelm? I was in. and the book was great. what I took away from it was that sometimes we have to turn down the volume to figure out what matters so we can take action. to me, that’s doing deep work that transcends the moment, and may not have a direct outcome this week, this month or maybe even in my lifeline.
it’s a different world from online.
instant. polished. algorithm-ized.
online, I feel like I’m clamoring to be heard in a sea of AI bullshit in an algorithm built to optimize the loudest voice in the metaphorical room. unfortunately (or maybe for my own health and lifespan, fortunately) for me, I don’t care about being that person online or offline. to become the most clickable version of myself for profit—g r o s s.
the behind the scenes reality of my life is I stopped taking brand payment in 2018, as a commitment to myself to actually only create and share when it was aligned to who I was as a person. in a lot of ways, I was able to use this to my advantage to write health and wellness columns for many exciting magazines and websites from actual lived experience and provide readers with real advice, not affiliate links and sponsorship dollars.
the internet felt different then, and it feels even more foreign now. it’d be easy to wish it was different or place blame, but the reality is right here in front of us. the reality is likes and comments and any form of digital interaction optimized for the dopamine centers in our brain or incentivizing staying locked in the feed does not fulfill me, nor does it pay my bills. I’ve felt like I have three options: learn to algorithmize myself or just get off the hamster wheel.
things that have fulfilled me recently?:
I was co-author on a publication for the United Nations on the impacts of climate change and menstrual health.
building a yoga studio with my mom and yoga mentor in my hometown.
leading the largest press push for my company in its history, sharing the (beautiful) news of the first recorded sperm whale birth ever.
committing time to my local food kitchen to deliver meals for neighbors in need.
I am proud of finally being able to sit down and articulate this feeling; it has been gnawing at me for years and it feels freeing. but it’s also scary to commit it to this forum.
the internet, it lives forever.
while I’ll be taking a break from here, I’m trying to keep sharing the real version of my life on my Instagram.
maybe I’ll see ya there, but hopefully you’re out living your life too :)
with love,
Nicole